Your adopted

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

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Joe is a negotiator. When joe sees someone in trouble, he tries to help them out of it by talking. Joe failed to talk to Osama bin laden correctly. Joe is no longer living in this world. Joe drank his sorrows away and died from the alcohol in his body. Osama is completely unrelated to this, his family died in a car crash.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Why couldn't the teenager go to the pirate movie? He didn't have any money.

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why did the chicken eat chicken noodle soup? Because he killed his brother.

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what did one gagged man say to the other gagged man? nothing he was gagged

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. That's what she said

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I would piss if alex berry had aids n died

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what do you call a black man flying a plane? a pilot. what do you call a woman flying a plane? 9/11.

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A man agreed with a camel. The camel didn't agree. ... (This joke does only make sense in the Dutch language.)

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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What's black, white, and can't turn around in a phone booth? A nun with a javelin through her chest.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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A- Why did the chicken cross the road? B- I honestly do not care.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 6 feet under the ground? Doug What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 3 feet under the ground? Douglas

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Why was the cat unable to drink its milk? He was stapled to the wall

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Little Timmy walks into an ice-cream store. He dies on impact.

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If I had a dollar for every time I heard a 'women's rights' joke I'd be bill gates.

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't a Ferrari in my garage

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If i had 100 dollars for every time a black president was assainted i would have 100 dollars in 4 months and six days.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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