What did the 80 year old man do to celebrate valentines day with his wife? Nothing, Alzheimer's made him forget about Valentines day.....and that he was married. What did his wife do for Valentines day? Killed herself.

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An elephant stomped on a mouse. What did the mouse say? Ouch.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It is hard to know things like that.

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What do Sylvia Plath and a cake have in common? Nothing.

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What is the delicate way to start talking about your penis? ...that wasn't it.

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Why did the Mexican jump the border? Because his mom told him the grass was always greener on the other side... She lied.

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S + B + B = SB fuckin' B

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Anti-Joke Memes Are Obviously Not A Thing

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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What's black and self-describing? The words of this joke.

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Pokemon are fictional, therefore Pikachu is fictional, meaning he would never be at a bus station in the real world at all.

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What's the difference between difference and between? One is difference the other is between.

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Friend: how obsessed are you with harry potter on a scale from 1-10 Me: 9 and 3/4

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What's the coolest place to be in the solar system? Uranus.

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Why did the girl fall of the swing? I hit her with an axe.

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wanna hear a dirty joke? ...trashcan

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Q: What do you call a innocent black man that was shot 403 times by the cops when they asked for his ID and somehow assumed he was gonna reach for a gun? A: Deceased Texan.

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Whatever his name happens to be.

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What happened to Jillian when she walked out the door? She got hit by a bus A. Knock knock B. Whos there? A. Not Jillian

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Little boy: Daddy, daddy, I know what i want for Christmas! Dad: Oh really? and whats that? Little boy: I want a bicycle! Dad: Why my son? You are already on a wheelchair...

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

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(Insert short question here) (Insert long semi-irrelevant answer here)

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Why do hummingbirds hum? They don't realize how annoying it is.

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A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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