I was walking down the road yesterday with only 1 shoe. A man stops by and says "Did you know that you lost a shoe?" I reply "No I didn't. I found 1."

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One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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What's three times More dangerous than a war? Three wars

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Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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why did the little girl fall off the swing she had no arms

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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Knock Knock. Doors open

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Michael J Fox may not be able to draw a perfect circle but he sure can jerk off like a champ

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Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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What does "Ford" stand for? Nothing. It's the name of the company founder, not an acronym.

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Whats worse than forgetting your first homework assignment of the new school year? Being hazed on the first day of school to the point where you seriously consider suicide

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What's the difference between a snake, and a lawyer? A snake cannot comprehend law, nor can one attend law school and set up an office. They are also different species.

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Why did the booger throw a fit? Because it was getting picked on.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hes an electrician

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black. I am blind.

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What did the wife get her husband after he became a paraplegic in a car accident? Divorce papers.

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Your momma is so fat, shes skinny.

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What did the Irish nun say on her deathbed? "I now realize that smoking was an unhealthy habit and I regret that I made the choice to do so." Then she died

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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Why was Martin Luther King shot? The shooter strongly disagreed with his viewpoints.

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There is a very old lady at the bottom of a long flight of steep stairs with a large amount of groceries piled up in her hands. How did she make it to the top?? She walked.

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Why did Billy kill Joey? Joey had sex with Billy's wife... and Billy wanted revenge.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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