At 1:00AM, an old man is woken up by a knocking on the door. 'Knock knock' 'Who's there' 'An orange' The man opens the door to find a talking orange on his doorstep. The man remembers he has Schizophrenia and goes back to sleep.

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So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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What's worse than biting into your apple and finding a worm. Being raped. What's worse than being raped. Being raped twice. What's worse than being raped twice. Biting into your apple and finding a worm then throwing away that apple, retrieving another apple them biting into it and finding another worm then being raped twice. In the same 5 minutes.

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Whats green and smells like ass? My ass. I lied about the green..

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Q: How to fit 10 babies in a suitcase? A: By blender Q: How to get the babies out of the suitcase? A: Using a straw.

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Roses are blue, Violets are purple, I like chicken. Do you like chicken?

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot you racist!

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What do Lincoln, JFK, and Barack Obama all have in common? They were all president of the United States of America and are relatively good people.

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If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop asking me if those jeans make you look fat?

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If one train is heading North at 60 mph, na danother train is heading South at 45 mph, how many waffles are on the roof? The answer is purple, because aliens like coffee.

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and act like it's original because I changed one word*

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How do you get the pesky neighborhood kids off your front lawn? Molest them.

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An old man walks into a grocery store, but doesn't come out. What happened? A plane crashed into the grocery store, killing everyone inside.

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Neither does the chicken. (you're supposed to laugh...)

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What was the black guy doing in Mississippi? Just hanging around.

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Why did the boy drop his lolypop Because it tasted bad

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What did one apple say to the other? Nothing, it is scientifically proven that apples can't talk.

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How many cupcakes are there in the world joe How many? I don't know I was asking you.

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what did the apple say to the orange, nothing fruits can't talk

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Why did Obama cross the road? Oh, wait, he didn't make it.

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What happens when you mix breed a cat and a human?? .. you get arrested and get raped by your fellow prisoners DONT do it!

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How many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? Pancakes are not a feasible material with which to build a doghouse.

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why did the plumber start to cry? his family died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops