Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

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What do a rabbit and a plum have in common? They're both purple expect the rabbit

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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What did Luigi say to Mario? You look like a fat Mexican

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boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

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Why was the Muslim crying? Because his brother got hit by a bus.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

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What is red and has wheels? Grass, I lied about it being red and having wheels.

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why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

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How many are in a baker's dozen? 12 bakers

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

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What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

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Whats the difference between a jew and a canoe? Canoes weren't killed by Hitler

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To mama's so fat when she went to Dairy Queen she Ordered a blizzard.

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Superman and Batman get in a fight, who wins? No one the world has just lost a superhero.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Steve" "Oh hey Steve, come on in"

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If bananas are purple, then what color are oranges? I am not going to tell you the answer because this joke has no significance whatsoever.

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Why did the boy not get picked up from soccer? His mom was in a fatal car accident. His dad simply forgot.

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Robin, get in the car!

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What did George Bush say when 9/11 happened? "Silly pilots! The airport isn't in a building!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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