Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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How do you change your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

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im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

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how many dead guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? 6

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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why do police kill so many young black men in America? it's a difficult question that deserves a thoughtful response. many complex issues are at play, but we also feel a sense that something must be done. we cannot ignore some of the forces at work here, yet we cannot all personally take responsibility, either. or maybe he wanted to steal his girl. that shit really happens. THAT SHIT LEGIT HAPAPNES.

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Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

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did you know towels can cause dry skin?

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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Q: What did the banana say as it was being eaten? A: Nothing. Bananas are inanimate objects and therefore are incapable of talking.

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Nothing is as strong as love, Except a nuclear warhead that can destroy entire cities! :P thoko like :D ~~k0mradey``

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What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

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Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24. Lemme hear it. 25.

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Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone? Because a skyscraper landed on him. Yes. A skyscraper.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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Why Bono always walk barefoot ? Because he's an asshole.

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Hey man. what? squidbillies.

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Why didnt Stevie Wonder wave back at the white man? Because he's a racist.

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That Rachael chick needs to get back in the kitchen

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Why was the lady afraid of rocks? Because her husband was stoned.

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Why was Hellen Keller blind and deaf? Because she was a girl.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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