A man says hello to his best friend in the morning like he always does. Why did his best friend not reply? The mans best friend is not real and is actually a figment of the mans imagination because he has been suffering from a severe case of schizophrenia his whole life and has many imaginary friends.

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One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."

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Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

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do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

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Why'd the black man smell awful... Because he hadn't showered in multiple days

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why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

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What has two legs? Half a cat

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Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he got shot. Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

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What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

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Person 1: What do you get when you cross a cow and your mom? Person 2: What? Person 1: A cow that looks like your mom

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Jews are human beings. Pizza is a type of food.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Mike and Richard were walking down the street together Richard left because of Mike's garlic breath

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Next Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Sexual assault.

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Knock knock Who's there? The bank. We've come to evict you from your house.

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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't rob a bank! That's a felony. ;)

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Q:What did the deaf kid say to the blind kid? A: nothing deaf kids can't talk they can only have conversations with their hands,which would be pretty useless at this moment cause the blind kid can't see his hand guestures

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Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red OMFG MY LAWN IS ON FIRE !!!?

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A man walks into a bar, he says ouch.

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Why did the little girl go to the hospital?........................Beacuse she fell when trying to steal cookies out of the cookie jar on top of the fridge.

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? A one-way ticket to Hell for messing with God's creations, you heathen!

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So a man walks into a bar and gets drunk.

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knock knock who's there? the police, we have a warrant for your arrest.

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Roses are red, violets are red. Aaaaaahh! My garden's on fire!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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