What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Who are you if you can rub 2 ice cubes to make fire? Chuck Norris

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What did the cow say to the other cow? "Baaa", he had an identity crisis.

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how do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it

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There was an apartment. At the bottom level lived a white family, The 2nd level, there was a mexican family, and the 3rd level, there was a Black family. Someone blew up the apartment with a bomb, WHO SURVIVED? The white family, because the parent were at work and the kids were at school.

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What did the pillow say to it's owner? Nothing. Pillows are not able to talk.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

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Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

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When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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What is pink and fuzzy? Pink fuzz

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You're so sweet I have diabetes

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What is "race car" spelled backwards? rac ecar.

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what kind of person would you call dumb the ones who read anti jokes

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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Does pizza sound good for dinner?

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a fat man walks out of mcdonalds

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple.

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penis

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Your mom is so dirty, She smells.

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[] [] Those are eyes These are teeth

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a man was hired for a job. he made a lot of money and was able to support his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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