Knock, knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? *snicker* F*ck a duck.

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A sad horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse answers "My wife was just diagnosed with terminal cancer."

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What did the one Lame say to the other Lame? I don't know, what did you say?

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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It's red or yellow but most likely grey, and when its hit your eye you are dead? A train :)

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Why did the jew cross the road Because he was being cornered by 10 nazis that had automatic guns

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so a blind man walks into a bar, then a chair, then a table.

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There was 3 Men. Who had crashed their car on there way back from the Bar, All 3 of them died. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told him " The better in life you were with relationships,and staying true with one love- The better Transportation you get." Guy one got a Scooter. Guy two got a bike. And Guy 3 got a Mustang. One day, Guy 1 and 2 were on their bike and scooter. And they see Guy 3 upset. "Whats wrong? You got the best transporation in heaven!!" Guy 3 looks up at guy 1 and 2, Then says " I know I do..... But, I just seen my wife on a Skateboard."

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Remember those days where we planned what to do with our lives instead of wondering what things lied ahead? Those where the days, it does not matter if we are relics, heroes, or villains today. Back then, we did not seek to discover our future, we sought to create it, back then our people did not pray for a better day, but worked for it. And love and kindness was not something only found in heaven, but what we shared in what was the closest thing, to heaven on earth. Tell me the truth, are there many like us left in this world?

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What's black and white and red all over? A Nazi banner.

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SHE GOT A BIG BOOTY SO I CALL HER by her real name because she is a woman and worthy of my respect.

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A man walked into a bar and asked if he could use the toilet The bartender told him that it was for paying customers only The man walked up to the bartender, ordered a drink and then proceeded to go to the toilet He came back feeling refreshed, finished his drink and said his goodbyes

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A man walks into a store. He purchases what he was intending to, walks out, and gets on with his day.

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What is better then winning the special olympics? Not being retarded

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Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

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An escalade with 5 black men crashes off a cliff and all of them die. this is terrible. an escalade seats 7.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the hospital because his wife has multiple STD's

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A man used a ruler to measure his foot, it was size 11

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? So it would not get hit

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Why do depressed people like sharp knives? Cause there good for cutting Salad

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What do you calla baby nailed to a wall? Art.

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Your so gay, that you like men!

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roses are red violets are blue im not good at poems so fuck you too.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops