Q: Why did'n the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do Whitney Houston and Selena Gomez have in common? They are both dead. Exept for Selena Gomez..

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the little girl fall of the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's red and invisible? We don't know that it's red.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Did you just admit being considerate? I do not care about who gets the last comment anymore, I need to tear my face away from the screen ASAP.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

how do goldfishes drown? you pull them backward water fills there lung and there die

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How many apples does it take to keep the doctor away? 1 if you throw it hard enough! haha

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the black guy drink the kool aid? Because there was a glass of kool aid next to him and he was thirsty.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

roses are red violets are blue i am black and so r u

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Some really old band covered Dirty Bit. But the cut out the Dirty Bit part so its just the Time of life part

thumb_up thumb_down -35

"New season of Dr.Phil. How does that make you feel?" ANGERY!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did radio not get the song? beacause he radio didnt work.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did the chicken cross the rode?????? i dont know because he felt like it???????????p.s.i actually dont know why he crossed the rode so go ask the next who makes a joke about a chicken crossing a rode?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

what does STFU stand for? the southern tenant farmers union.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A husband said to his wife, "If you want to have sex, stroke my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, just say so and I will respect your decision, though I may be disappointed."

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A man walks into a chiropractor. The chiropractor asked whats wrong with you? The man replies My boner has scoliosis.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

what do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? -a seagull

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's round, has two hands, and tells time? Some fat guy I know, with a watch.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a psychopath

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did Alice cross the road? Because she wasn't funny. At all. So the people on the other side of the road asked her to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm gonna screw you and you don't have a clue !

thumb_up thumb_down -37

How did the blonde girl get pregnant? Sperm enters their vagina and fertilizes an egg cell causing a child to be conceived.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops