- Anti Joke

Knock Knock. Who's there? A little boy who can't reach the doorbell.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

" Want to hear a good anti-joke?! " " Sure! " " Me too. "

"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

A man on an airplane is extremely frustrated by a small, screaming child. He puts on his headphones and listens to music.

why was the boy sad because he had a cat stapled to his face

What's the difference between Mel Gibson and a pineapple? Well at a molecular level, not much because both are made up of atoms.

Q:Why are all of the vampires extinct? A:AIDS is a serious disease. You shouldn't joke about it.

knock knock whos there? andy andy who? andy gold hi come in

What gets bigger and bigger and bigger, then dies? A baby.

What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick.

why was the little boy sad he found out he had breast cancer

Why couldn't Kelly finish her test? She spontaneously combusted.

How do you put 4 elephants inside a Volkswagen? You'd have to the change the interior design of the car and probably cut most of the roof. How do you put a Giraffe inside a Volkswagen? You ask her nicely to squeeze in between the four elephants...

Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar mans asks ''so, what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk.

What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

What's the difference between a lamp?

John went to the shop to purchase a can of coca cola. He left the shop with a can of coca cola.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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