I've ben told to open all your windows when a tornado comes. Who told you THAT? A guy who opened all his windows when a tornado came.

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How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot off its head.

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To whomever it may concern, You are currently reading this anonymous letter from someone anonymous. I’m currently watching you read this letter. I am not a threat. I am not Big Brother. I am someone anonymous. You will never find out who I am. You may have a few ideas of who this might be, but you will be wrong. Just know that I am watching you. That is all. I love you. All for Jesus -A

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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Why didn't Hellen Keller just wear glasses? Oh wait

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Why couldn't the car drive? Because its wheels were made of butter.

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There was a mexican and a african in a car, who was driving? The cop, because both of these men are rapists.

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Why couldn't the baby walk through the door? Babies can't walk

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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This is a joke for Homeless people:

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"I see" said the blind man to his dead wife

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Knock, Knock Open the fucking Door

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3 out of 4 questions. The lion king was holding a meeting and every animal was there except for one. What animal wasn't there? The elephant. It was still in the fridge.

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You know, dark humor just isn't everyone's cup of liquiffied dead baby.

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Q: what do you call a phone that's fake? A: a phony...

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What does Mickey mouse do every day? Minnie mouse

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how do you refer to a guy with a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket and low riding? by his first name

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What's worst then not getting anything on Christmas? Rape, Murder, Dying.

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What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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A: Knock Knock! B: Whos there? A: Its the f**king cops we have you surrounded.

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How do you kill a blond? Make her listen to the song "Friday" for two hours straight.

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whats worse then falling on the ice? -getting raped by a blue whale

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Justin Bieber saying "shawty"

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three men walked into a bar, the fourth one ducked

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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