Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

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What do you call a man floating in a pool with his arms chopped off? A murder victim.

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what was so bad about hitler? he inadvertently subjected his political officials to death by rope

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That awkward moment when you have to tell your child you wanted an abortion, and still wish you had.

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911 jokes are just plane wrong

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?? Blue.

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What do Native Indians and Asian Indians have in common? They're both human.

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God wrote this joke.................................

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

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Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

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what do you call a black guy with a nice car? most probably a rapper or professional athlete, however there is also a great chance that he is a doctor of philosophy and well educated.

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What smells like smoke, sounds like a pig, and looks like a horse? My mom's boyfriend

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How many licks did it take for the owl to get to the center of the tootsie roll tootsie pop? A: Since when did owls have tounges?

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What's green fury has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you. A pool-table

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Two fish walked into a bar. They died. Because fish can't breathe out of water.

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Why didn't the Mother packed her son's lunch? Because her son Timmy likes to go to the canteen

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You idiot thats 9 letters

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

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What is wet, white and sticky? Glue, of course.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? It depends on their painting skills.

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Once upon a time, there were a lot of Jews......

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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