How do you wake up Lady Gaga? I don't know, I've never tried to.

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My therapist says that I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that!

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Panda walks into a restaurant with gun ready to eat, shoot and leave to finish a really good grammar joke, but before he can eat, Animal Control tranquilize him and seize his gun. So all he can do is leave unconscious. Meanwhile someone takes enjoyment in slowly burning the dictionary entry for "Panda".

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Why did the Mexican mow lawns? He needed money to pay for his college tuition.

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which one is easiest

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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a man and his son pull up out side b&q and the man says to his son run in there and get me a black n decker and the boy goes in and is standing in the power tools isle and he looks round and there is a lady standing next to him so he hit her, the woman happened to be black and 2 minutes later a security guard rushes round and says son what did u do that for and the son said my dad told me to come in and get a black n decker!

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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why did the mexican choose to work as a landscaper instead of at taco bell? landscaping pays much better and was a more practical decision in this economy to support his family of 13.

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Your momma's so stupid that she might not have graduated from high school, ceasing her ability to have an educated job. Now, she makes minimum wage and can barely feed her son.

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What do you call a hairy pussy? A cat.

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what do you get when you combine sodium and hydroxide? sodium-hydroxide

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Knock Knock Whose there? The pizza you ordered That's weird, the Pizza I ordered shouldn't be able to talk

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why doesn't anyone like reed? who cares, no one likes reed

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A guy walked into a store and bought a candy bar. Why? Because he wanted some chocolate.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Depends on the polar bear and its dietary habits

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What is worse than being lost in the supermarket? Being lost in space.

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What do u call a cripple Biv

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What is less funny than a clown? Another clown ... but with fewer limbs.

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What did the man say when he had sex for the first time "So how come I'm the one with the vagina"?

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call? The Police. There's something strange in your neighborhood.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

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whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping cart? One holds groceries. The other molests small children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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