What do you call a terrorist on 9/11? A terrorist.

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Why did the black guy sing? Cause he can sdf sdfsd f sdf ds f sd fsd f sd f ds g sdfgh fsh sdf h dfsg dfs g df gdfgdf g d yeah thats right

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Whats red but smells like blue paint? Red paint

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What would you call Martin Luther King Jr. If he was alive today? Alive

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Patrick: My name is 24. Spongebob: Hey, Patrick, you know whats worse than 24? Patrick: What? Spongebob: 911.

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Why did lil' Jenny fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why didn't the dog want to cross the road? there was a flea market on the other side.

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Q. What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A. An horse.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Ted. Oh, Hey Ted.

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A car walked into a bar... wait no it didn't it has wheels.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot... are you racist?

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BLACK PEOPLE! (im black so its not racist)

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Whats worst than being stuck in a cage with one blonde? Being stuck in a cage with four blondes.

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~Chinese Anti Joke~ What is the difference between American army and Chinese army? American army teach youngsters to use their tanks. Chinese army smash youngsters with their tanks.

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what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

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When life throws you lemons, you probably have dyslexia

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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and R. Kelly? One is an arrogant asshole known for pissing on things, the other is R. Kelly.

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If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Why did the girl scream at old people? She had turrets. www.youtube.com/LouisGames www.twitch.tv/KiLM_Ghostz

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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