A batch of muffins is baking in an oven. One muffin says to another... Oh sorry, scratch that, they can't talk; they're f***ing muffins. (CSC)

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They say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. If that is true, then who on Earth are we? [L]

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why did the man throw a stone in the lake? because he'd had a long day at work.

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oh whatever Greece isn't going to leave the eurozone shut up about it already

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Why didn't Susan go to school on show-and-tell day? Because she's dead.

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What did the homless man get for Christmas? Nothing

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KEVIN CRUMMY SMELLS LIKE SARAHS (I)

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Yo mama so fat when she went to the ocean the whales started to sing we are family even though your fatter than me

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How did the guy feel after his wife died? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine..

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Knock knock Whose there? 4

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"Where's your mom?' "She died last night. . ."

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What's better than your mom dying? Chocolate Cake.

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Why did the sperm cross the road? It didn't, as sperm cells have tails not legs, and are therefore incapable of crossing roads.

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Your momma is soooo poor... I don't know how she is so fat

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69!!! (its funny cause i made a referance to 69)

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two men where hunting one man shot a deer and ate it, the other man shot the man who killed the deer and made human steaks. a day later he killed his family. and ate them with his dog. he then grabbed the deer that was left in his fridge and used it to make a fire.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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Was in a coma, survived trough smoke and mirrors, and I had 3 separated sections of my order in order to test the efficiency of my words, united we are about 6.800.000 people. Excuse my anger below, I mean I was in a coma and ended up on some hard painkillers, and while I am still tapering down on a "totally medicinally safe" dosage of 20 mg valium its a bitch, even for a guy that enjoys a mild painkiller every now and then in order to focus. Excuse my excessive typing, its paincontrol vs the stress and all 64 side effects of valium. I am alive, and my followers know that, I do not mean to brag, but Neronism tends to end up fucked up when I am gone with people trying to live up to what only I can do apparently, so I decided it was time to mash the separate groups together... Btw, we live at point zero now, if you do not know where that is, I can inform you at later time. But be quick about it if you have more questions, we only chat on horsehead due the "discussed hours"

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Your mama so stupid She has a 3rd grade education

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''Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work.

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I was just thinking in something I swear ... I am still Just, wait, i'll be good

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Hello, I am Sergent Henry Orange. I'm afraid your husband was shot down by an enemy aircraft. I'm sorry, he was a brave man.

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why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? because it was two tired

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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