A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you get a black man to run? Ask him how his day has been, catch up on some memories of your time at school together, then challenge him to a foot race.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

My, you you... SEDUCER! XD, and there I go proving your point by going uppercase XD

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did jimmy stop eating his breakfast two Penn state officials knocked at the door

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Whats the difference between and ? Blue custard

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's worse than a kid with a big head? Nothing you just look weird like Austin

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the alien say to the parachute? We're connected

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: Why did the guy ring the doorbell? A: Because he was sick of all the crappy knock-knock jokes

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's the worst part about eating a dead baby? It's a tie between the smell, the taste, and the depression associated with whatever decline in humanitsy that has brought you to this point in your life. Overall, it's an outright terrible situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

knock knock? who's there? a guy..... so the man open's the door and the guy clutching a knife stabs repeatedly at his chest killing him and drags his body down into his cellar locking him away from the open world. by Mad James

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what do u call a black men standing on top of a church. holy shit

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I was raped oh no he's coming HELP ahhhhhhhhfkaek.k.k.k.k.k.k. vmruieao3 vxm v

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Where am I

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he was on his wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

The name "Hunter Barksdale".

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A dyslexic man's favourite clothing shop is Tampon.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the woman walk into the kitchen? i don't know, but the better question is why she left in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the... Uh, I forgot the rest of the joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you call a man having sex with his own mother. - Gross.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the girl fall off of the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between a mac and a pc? Well haven't you seen the commercials.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Knock Knock ...Does anybody know how to use a goddamn door bell these days?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops