What has 8 legs and 1 eye? 2 chairs and half a fish.

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name one thing that is impossible!! A sober irishman

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I like playing in the balls. I like balls.

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Roses are red Violets are blue My body is ready I want you

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? An alive one at the bottom eating its way up.

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what does lady gaga and a vacuum have in common? nothing. lady gaga is a human and the other is a house hold item.

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Q: Why couldn' the muslim eat pork? A: Because he had been raped and killed by a giant scorpion.

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Whats more fun than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork.

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whats similar between a eagle and a armidillo? they both can fly. apart from the armidillo.

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Why can't Larry drive? Because he doesn't have his license, and his temps expired!

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Knock knock. Who's there? FedEx. FedEx who? Just kidding, it's hookers.

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How do you make a professional wrestler cry? You don't

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What's worse than an hours detention? Gettind raped by a horse anally.

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whats worse than death getting your nuts ripped of by a rabid racoon

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A:Whats the air speed velocity of a swallow? B:What an african or English swallow? A:Well I don't know that.

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My aunt said slow and steady wins the race....... She died in a fire

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whats worse than killing people that have bags on their heads? finding out that the people that u have just killed were your own children.

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Why was the priest lying still? Because his son shot him

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The Grinch stole Christmas, he accidentally dropped it and Christmas was ruined for everyone life sucked -shane,Adam,David and Riley go cry about it

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what is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babes. when i saw the Porsche i told the guy nice car and he was like yea whatever then i went and killed 50 babes and lost conciseness when i woke up i saw the Porsche again and thought what a nice car and when i saw the babes i thought what kind of monster killed all those babes

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Nero, listen, do not try to imply that you created the Iron man method, that was developed by many people over the duration of many years in the former underground society. You seem far too educated to be the savage you claim to be, if I told you that our people will do the uttermost to see if we can fix that eye of yours and succeed, will you forgive my failure and imperfections as a leader? Look at it this way, I am a leader, not a ruler, what my followers do is up to them, but if they cannot understand that they have to pay the consequences behind their actions, they have no place within the order, as for the expression "my order" it is simply what my many followers like for me to say, not because they are unwilling to take responsibility, but as a token of praise. Our articulations and means of expressing desire and such are very much the same, have you ever been part of our order?

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Future last words Guess who edition: "This new prototype Ferrari XZ handles like a God even at full speed!...Well, if God had no brakes and his turning ability suddenly disappeared when going at over 300 kilometers per hour that is..." "Uh oh now! Another heart attack! Where is mah medical weed? SHAAAAAROOOOOOON!" "Please haters, lower your guns, I will stop singing! Beliebe me!" Moral: "OMG I AM ONLY THE SIXTH MOST USELESS THING NOW!" "MY BODY IS NOT READY! Urgh mah chest... CHAROOOOOOON!

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A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

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What do you call a whale driving a plane? A horibble massacre.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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