Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. Just kidding because today brought terminal cancer.

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Why did Johnny's pants fall down? Because he was fat.

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What did one homo-sexual say to his four homo-sexual friends? Were One Direction!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know. Chickens are incapable of communicating with humans and thus the intent of the chicken can only be speculated.

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Why can't you teach drivers ed and sex ed at the same time in Iraq? The camel would get tired.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why did the man give money to the Jew? Why would a man give money to a Jew?

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass.

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a. get me a drink b. a would but but i got no arms

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Whats worse than having a parking cone rammed up your ass? Realizing that a big orange cone is up your ass.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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So an irish man walks into a bar, 10 seconds later he is dead. What happened was there was a sharp piece of metal on the bar so is cut his throat and he bleed to death.

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If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

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How do you get a dog to stop humping you? Pick him up and suck his dick.

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Q. what is black ans white and red all over A. a shot to death zebra

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8===D ~ ~ ~

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you suck your own dick.

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Why didn't the woman make sandwiches? She was making baguettes.

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What's worse than someone who thinks Sting is a nice guy? Sting.

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A rabbi and a priest walk into a supermarket... They buy food, put in their cars, drive home and cook dinner.

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What disease did Harry Styles get? 1Infection! (if you don't know, Harry Styles is 1direction's manager)

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Why did the man fall over? He was blind.

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Two guys walk into a bar.... OUCH

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In retrospect, I was wrong to microwave all those cats.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops