- Anti Joke

Knock knock. Who's there? Your best friend. No it's not, you stupid repo man...I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR.

Tom: So I heard a pretty good Anti-Joke the other day. Jim: Oh, I love those!! What was it? Tom: [says nothing]

why did the black man go to court he was a lawyer it's is job

Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a bus and didn't know! The funeral was touching and sad. Everyone cried. 2 weeks later..........Johnson ended his own life.......

Daniel is a fag

If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

Why did the woman leave the kitchen? To go to work. And be sexually harassed. For 70 cents on the dollar.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Light turned green, indicating that it was a safe and appropriate time to cross

so....a guy is sitting on the couch looking out his living room window and a cab pulls up and honks..he says to himself, "wow that was quick, i just called for the cab 5 minutes ago!"

What's worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings. What's worse than 2 bee stings? A Holocaust. What's worse than a Holocaust? 3 bee stings.

what do you call a small midget? a smidget.

Vaginas are like? books. You stick your dick in them.

Your mother is so fat, she is dying due to obesity and it would be utterly disgusting to make fun of anyone in that situation.

Excuse me. Oh, would you mind hitting the 15th floor button for me? Thanks.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm locked in someone's basement, Please help me.

What did the Jewish man get for his birthday? Pork.

boobs!

Why did the boy drop the ice cream? Because he had a seizure.

Hey I just met you, and your f$#king crazy,I ate your pizza, so go get me another one!!

Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made the man who said shut up mad so he told the man to shut up.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the cross light said signal said "GO"

How do you make beef Wellington? INGREDIENTS For mushroom duxelles: 1 pound cremini mushrooms, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper For herb crepe: 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 eggs 1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chives, minced 1/2 cup whole milk 1/4 cup water 4 tablespoons butter, melted, plus more if needed for pans For beef Wellington: 2 pounds filet mignon Salt and black pepper, to taste 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 cup whole-grain Dijon mustard 1/2 pound prosciutto di Parma 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed 1 egg yolk 1 tablespoon whole milk DIRECTIONS To make mushroom duxelles: Add mushrooms to a food processor and process until completely smooth. The consistency is similar to wet hummus. In a pan over medium heat, add mushroom paste, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread the mixture evenly over the surface and cook on a medium-low heat until the moisture in the paste has reduced and the mixture has the consistency of a spreadable pâté. Remove from heat and let cool. To make herb crepes: In a large bowl, whisk together flour, eggs, sugar, salt, and chives. Whisk in milk, water, and 1 tablespoon of melted butter, until smooth and emulsified. Heat a crepe pan or large skillet over medium heat. Add remaining 3 tablespoons of butter. Add 1/4 cup of the batter. Rotate pan in a circular motion over the heat to completely cover the surface with the batter. The edges of the crepe will begin to curl slightly as the crepe cooks. Cook for approximately 45 to 60 seconds, then flip crepe to cook the other side. Each side should be a pale golden brown. Remove from heat. Add more butter if needed to the pan and repeat process with the remaining batter. Set crepes aside. Preheat the oven to 400º F. To make steaks: Pat filet mignon dry with paper towels and season generously with salt and black pepper. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and add olive oil. When the oil begins to smoke, add the filet mignon and brown from 1 to 2 minutes on all sides. You want to create a nice sear on the outside of the steak but leave the inside raw. Remove from heat and place on a cutting board to cool. Cover cooled filet with Dijon mustard. To roll the beef Wellingtons: On a cutting board, lay out a long piece of plastic wrap. In the middle of the wrap, lay out a crepe. Spread mushroom duxelles over the crepe. Lay out the prosciutto on top of the duxelles. Place filet in the center of the crepe and gently wrap the crepe around the filet. Trim off any excess and use the plastic wrap to tightly wrap the steak. Lay out a clean, long piece of plastic wrap. Gently roll out puff pastry until it is a 1/4-inch thin. Place the wrapped steak on one end of the puff pastry and wrap. Pinch the ends closed and trim off any excess puff pastry. Use the plastic wrap to tightly seal the puff pastry. Pop it in the fridge for about 5 minutes to let it firm up again. In a bowl, mix together egg yolk and milk. Place a sheet of parchment paper or aluminum foil on a baking sheet. Remove Wellington from fridge, remove the plastic wrap, and lay the Wellington seam-side down on the baking sheet. Baste the top of the puff pastry with the egg wash and bake for approximately 25 to 30 minutes or until the internal temperature of the steak reaches 125º F, or to whatever temperature you prefer your steak. Remove from the oven and let rest for at least 10 minutes before slicing into medallions. Serve warm.

Roses are red violets are blue your dads got hair what happened to you

1 + 1 ? Hmm, I don't know, maybe 2 but I could be wrong.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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