Why did the Triceratops walk into a grocery store? To buy groceries

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Dementia.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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Why was the family sad? Their house burnt down.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car? Get in the car.

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A blind 1st grader is doing math. He can't figure out a problem so he asks his mom to help, his mom then ask "Why don't you just count by your fingers?" the little boy then said "MOM! I'm blind I can't see!" his mom replys "then how do you see your homework?" the boys replys "I opened my eyes, now help me"

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Knock, Knock!! Who's there?! The Police!! Open the f*cking door and get down on your knees.

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Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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How did the chicken cross the road? Assuming the vehicles yielded to the chicken, it looked both directions before crossing then proceded across the street while staying between the crosswalk lines until it had reached the other side of the road.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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Miscarriages.

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Why was the Asian guy dumped by his hot girlfriend? Well you know what they say about Asian guys.... They are too dedicated to their schoolwork.

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This is not a joke

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How do you stuff a giraffe into a refrigerator? You can't, giraffes are too big.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles there balls

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Why was little Jimmy sad? Multiple complications including broken bones, a fractured skull, liver disease, and the fact that all his family had been gassed by the Nazis.

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What is green and can hurt your eyes? I don't know, but its definitely not a laser pointer.

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Why did the black man drop his weed Because he got shot

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One man's trash is another man's treasure is a horrible way to tell a kid that he's adopted

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Q: What's grey and rocky? A: A grey rocking hair

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops