What's the difference between a ghost and a dolphin? A ghost isn't a dolphin.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Q: How do you make a black man think you're racist? A: Racism

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how do you get a blonde to stop following you? file a restraining order.

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knoc knock! who's there? poo on! poo on who? you!

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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What's black and doesn't work? My Blackberry, but luckily it was still under guarantee and the situation was solved swiftly and relatively drama free.

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey..I forget the rest but your mother is a whore.

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Laugh

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What did the father tell his son who was caught stealing from the teacher? --The father didn't say anything because he walked out on his family when the children were born.

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How do you fit an elephant into a car? You can't. Unless it's a baby elephant. You would probably also need a convertible with the top down.

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What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

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A wife asks her husband to treat her like she's special. So he tells her, "Gooooooooooo... Maaaaaaaaaaaaake... Meeeeeeee.... Aaaaaa.... Saaaaaaaandwitch

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A wise man once said a journey of a thousand steps starts with one step. The wise man also smoked weed and starved to death in a cave.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?? It got shot Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey

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What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to touch the goats beard

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What's green and has wheels? A green car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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