The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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What do you call someone that blows up a plane? Nothing you were on that plane

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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What did the chicken say to the black guy? Nothing, humans and chickens can not communicate.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Two muffins were in an oven. One of them said, "It's sure hot in here!" The other muffin didn't respond because it's dead.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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What's purple and fuzzy? A piece of purple fuzz.

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Why couldnt the dog bark? The dog didnt exist.

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If youre African, why are you white?

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Knock knock. Whos there. Your landlord. Your landlord who? Bitch, i'm here with your eviction notice you haven't paid rent in weeks

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What do you tell a women with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice..

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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why did the chicken cross the road? IDGAC

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What do you call a concentration camp with a mental disability? Auschwistic.

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My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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there was once a jew

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

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When is a door not a door? When it's a pair of titties!

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What did the three sixteen year old boys do to the homeless man late at night? Wished him a happy birthday and gave him a meal

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Why was the uneducated black guy raped? To make this joke more risky and therefore funnier.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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