What's green and fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls from a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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why did the chicken cross the road? Because there were no traffic.

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Why was the black guy being talked to by several policemen? Because he was advertising a new renting deal on an apartment downtown and the two policemen were openly gay and have a right to live together.

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There was a girl who had a dream of becoming a famous movie star. So, after five years of hard work and dedication, she didn't become a famous movie star. Dreams don't always come true. Refrigerators keep things cold.

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i have a black man in my family tree. i am 25% african american among several other ethnicities.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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How do you rescue a fat girl that's stuck under a car? With a pickaxe and a donkey.

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what is the difference betweeb 69 and 77? 8

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Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

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What is Rebecca Blacks favorite resurant? T.G.I Fridays...

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whats fat and sits on a toilet? a fat guy sitting on the toilet

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Justin Bieber

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a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?". the horse answers..."i'm a horse"

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whats purple and brown lucozade sport

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Why did the sky turn gray? Yes because she thought it meant a quarterback.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? No one. No one actually knocked on your door because this is just a joke.

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What ended in the year 1970? 1969

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Just got cancer: YOLO!! -sad face-

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what did the black guy ge for christmas? a speeding ticket

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what do you call a black man flying an airplane a pilot, you racist

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Whats green and has wings? grass, I lied about the wings.

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Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

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what is almost like Jesus? Jesus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops