what starts with F and ends with ead? Fred was walking to school one day when he heard a strange noise in a tree. He walked up to the tree, looked up, and saw a cat. Fred was late for class, so he decided to go to school and help the cat out after school. Eight hours later, Fred came up to the tree and looked up to see if the cat was there. It wasn't. The cat was lying next to the tree, dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Where do you find a dog with no legs ? Same place you left it ...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the fireman die? For various reasons,one was because he was burnt alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A Russian drinking something other than vodka.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whats the difference between a male porsche driver and a porcupine? with porcupines,the pricks are on the outside.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what happend when 3 white guys and 3 black guys try out for a basketball team? They all made it because you need 5 people on the team and it is good to have an extra person on the team in case some one gets hurt, fouled out, late for the game or dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What would EARTH without ART be? EARTH, you dummy.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

God has lived since the eternal eternity right? And one day he said let there be light? NO WONDER HE IS SUCH A NEEDY GREEDY EVIL FUCK! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL AFTER AEONS ENDLESS IN TOTAL DARKNESS? Moral: It is time for the prince, to stand up as the emperor, then no one shall doubt the power of the moral man.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a blonde with a diploma? Dum,because blondes are still dum

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Caitlin Jenner has a mangina.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Albino African Americans

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you kill a blonde woman? Shoot her in the head

thumb_up thumb_down +10

a guy went to a bar and ordered a molotov cocktail. he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Na na na na na Neo! Na na na na na na 'Sporin!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Three blonds walk into a bar ... They said ouch!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A Drumset.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chambers...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A cat starts grooming itself How many sprinkles does it take to cover the moon Cabinet because whales live in water

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go ride our bikes!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I was just entering the toilet in a transport cafe just as a lorry driver was coming out. "I wouldn't go in there mate if I was you" he said "Why does it smell?" I enquired "No I've just murdered a prostitute"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why do Christian protest against gay marriage? They protest because they believe gay marriage is a sin.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops