Person 1: *sneeze Person 2: bless you Person 1: I'm jewish. They never spoke again.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Dennis: you can make anything out of coppersulfate Austin: But copper sulfate can make things out of you

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What's the best way to make people notice you? Begin a cult that follows some crazy religious division and go on mass murdering sprees, looting, murdering, and raping everything that moves. Your prime targets should be schools, orphanages, and hospitals (maternity wards for bonus points). Eventually, walk up to the FBI unarmed and have them capture you. Then demand that you get interviewed, as you have instructed your followers that if you don't get to speak on public television, they will bomb multiple major cities. When they put you on TV, simply stare at the camera and say: "Senpai. The time has finally come for you to notice me." Then, because you are a cruel, heartless bastard with no morals whatsoever, have your men bomb the major cities anyway. Have fun!

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Praise Paisley

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Why did the Asian boy drop his milk? Because he had a stroke.

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In Soviet Russia, you wouldn't have a likely chance of surviving because of Stalin's mass paranoia and total neglect for his fellow man.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because pterodactyls along with all other dinosaurs have been extinct for millions of years.

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Contrary to the popular saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," if you get cancer there's nothing an apple can do...

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A guy walks up to a midget and he says: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his problem is destroying his family.

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What does a scouter say about his power level? It's over 9'000!!!!!!!!!

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what happend when the magic man touched fire? He got burnt screamed in my ear and died.

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I'm at a payphone. Though I'm out of change so I'm unable to call my girlfriend and break up with her.

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Chlamydia.

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Why did Timmy fall down the stairs Because he is blind and I pushed him

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Why did Jim get hit by a train? Because he was standing in the tracks.

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save me from the nothing ive become

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its funny cuz i laughed!

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This is funny.

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knock, knock Who's there? Statefarm... and we are always gonna be there for you

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What do you do when you're surrounded by 15 vampires and 15 werewolves? Stop pretending.

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No just stuff on the internet when I get bored, like on facebook and stuff, why a nurse? Whats wrong? Is he ill?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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