Why did Sally fall of the swing set? Because she got hit with a mattress

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q. What do you call a child with no friends or family A. Adopted

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did the tree say to the person? nothing trees cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you treat people that cannot say no in just two seconds? (redux and spellchecked) Treatment: Hi...: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! SAY IT MUAHAHAHA! People: NO PLEASE I CANT! NOOOOOO! *door unlocks* Problem solved, NEXT!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the doctor say to his patient with cancer? "You have cancer...".

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a 5000 pound gorilla? Obese - gorillas should weigh around 400 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's worse than a baby in a blender? Two babies in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's something that really sucks? Having a homicidal cat on your chest.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Adam Claypool walks into a bar. He immediately sucks the bartender's dick because he is the biggest queer anyone has ever seen

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What squirts out of your butt and runs down your leg? Bloody diarrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Question: So, what do you get if you put a live dog, a dead cat, some sugarcubes, and your sisters panties (HORMONES OKAY? EVERYBODY KNOWS HORMONES EQUALS SPICE! Or something anyways...) In a blender until its all red and squishy? The hell I know, but put some Redbull in it, and its fucking delicious!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was the man crying? He has aids.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Yeah, Eliza, its me, its so strange, you are the only one I remember from highschool, I was worried you had forgotten about me, anyway, yeah type as if you where speaking to him, and dont worry, I know I could not keep a secret back then, and I told Nero, so and he promised me he would kindly break my fingers if I told anyone, besides I dont do that anymore trust me.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

While I was having sex... Just kidding, I can't get laid.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was ticklish Tom not ticklish anymore? A: he got hit by a train

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your mother is so old, she could easily be considered a senior citizen.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What happens when you cross an Asian with a bass guitar? An Asian man lies down diagonally across a bass guitar.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Women's rights...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats green, has 4 legs and falls out a tree? A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A Mormon walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimers Who the hell are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? I lost my tractor!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

LA Police, Christine Collins called. She wants her son back.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's big, hairy and smells like sweat? The big show after a hard days work in the ring.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops