what did the bot get for his birthday? .. men!

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Why was the 15 year old boy always alone in his bedroom making strange noises? Because he was struggling to fight back the tears following his single mother's recent suicide, driven by her despair over the reality that her son was an out of control drug addict, just like his no-good father who ran out on them.

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

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A lawyer met with his client and said.. well, there is some good news and some bad news The bad news is that you're going to prison for life.

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I was Born ready I was born naked.

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What did the cow say to the horse? Mooo

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Fish

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream? The Holocaust.

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Why was Edgar sad at the swimming pool? Edgar had been taking swimming lessons for a few weeks, on a tuesday-thursday basis, and was not learning how to swim as well as he would have liked. His instructer, Ms. Herpina was also very rude and generally disrespectful to Edgar. As a result of him seeing the lack of progress, and his dislike of his teacher, one day he quit going to his lessons and went to the local Dairy Queen instead with his girlfriend, Susie. Little did he know, his mother had also gone out to buy him DairyQueen, as a celebration to him becoming better at swimming. When she saw him at Dairy Queen, she was very angry at her son, who had lied to her about going to that days' lesson, and had also lied to her about not having a girlfriend. After his mom told his girlfriend that they couldn't date, she took a distraught Edgar to their small apartment. Edgar had always hated this apartment, ever since the first day they moved in as a result from the lack of money to afford a nicer area. After his older brother David stole all that money from his mother to buy drugs a few years back, his life hasn't been the same. His mother was forced to move into an apartment with few luxories, and Edgar was constantly jealous of his friends at school, especially Jason, the dark haired boy who always bragged about how good he was at his PSP games. Edgar only wanted happiness for at least a little while, but was quickly forced back to the pool. He was embarassed at the fact that he couldn't swim, and all the popular girls at the pool were making fun of him. It had been a rough life for Edgar, and he was still only seven years of age. This, my child, is why Edgar was sad at the swimming pool.

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are you from hawaii? because your the only ten I see

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the second monkey.

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A: "Knock knock." B: "Who's there?" A: "John Doe." B: "John Doe who?" A: "..."

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a little violence in a relationship doesn't hurt anybody

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What's short, green, and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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What did the black man get for Christmas? A felony conviction.

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A blind man walks into a deaf woman. He tries to apologize but she can't hear him.

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Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

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what did the kid with no head get for his birthday? A coffin.

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What do you call a hindu that has radiation poisoned A radiatative hindu

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What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware River? Men, to the boats.

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Q: Why did the black man win the 100 meter dash? A: Because ever since he heard of this event, he has spent weeks preparing for it.

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Q. What happened to the women who cut her finger? A. she got staff infection and died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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