What's brown and sticky? ...A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats worse tan finding a worm in your apple? Being touched by Michael Jackson

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why is cancer a big thing? -It has grown after the diagnoses

thumb_up thumb_down +24

George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the man say when he put his penis in the blender? Arghhhhhhh!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the pirate get kicked out of the pirate movie? He killed 7 people while looking for treasure under the seats.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q-What was Hitlers favorite hobby to proceed in when he was sad? A- Manipulating populations and raping,torturing and mutilating the Jewish population.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

"The only thing worse than being talked about is getting AIDS." -Oscar Wilde

thumb_up thumb_down +22

whats bloody and mingen Scabbaz head

thumb_up thumb_down +22

how do we call a person with no body nor nose? a dead guy

thumb_up thumb_down +22

In Soviet Russia my freedoms are severally restricted by communism.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

If woman that have big breasts work at Hooters, then do woman with one leg work at Ihop?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's worse, a dead baby or an abortion? A dead baby on a bayonet

thumb_up thumb_down +22

69

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what do you call a cat that looks like a lion 7

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A kid has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: Why did the dog bark? A: it cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you do to get someone to shut up? You hit with a brick

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you get a Jew to jump off a cliff? You kidnap his family and threaten to kill them if he doesn’t.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Cool story bro. Tell it again.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops