What do you call a New Zealander with 1000 lovers? A shepard

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Listen pretty lady, NO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS OR SOMETHING NON STOP STRAIGHT, IS VERBOTEN! Honestly, for me its a bit of a requirement, sure girls can go all like "But you are like friendzoned to me now", but then I... Hmm, you know, not a womanizer,my wife has the right word for it, I am a seducer.... Suddenly I do not like the sound of that, actually Its not a bit of a requirement, it is TOTALLY a requirement. Say, does it bother you when I mention my wife like at randomness?

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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Uh, summa lumma dooma lumma you assuming I'm a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman Innovative and I'm made of rubber, so that anything you say is Ricochet in off a me and it'll glue to you And I'm devastating more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating Never fading, and I know that haters are forever waiting For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating 'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated

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A sheep walks into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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Technically I did not try to, but I made you believe I tried in vain, so your subconcious is unable to register that it is under a state of trance, you could deny it, but you are in a state of trance right now. So how big are your breasts?

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Me.

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When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice and let the world wonder how you made it.

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How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was an attempted suicide. His family left him, he had been in and out of rehab for a terrible cocaine addiction for over ten years, and was still having nightmares about his abusive past.

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what do you say to the preacher when he walks into church? i dont fu***** know, im jewish.

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Nothing. The lawyer is sterile and can never have children.

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What happened to your hamster? It died.

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A black person went into a store and paid full price for his tv

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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Good afternoon.

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Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

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How do you say cabbage in Spanish? You don't.

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So 185 cowboys walk into a bar and the bartender says "I can't serve 185 cowboys!" The cowboys ask why not and the bartender says "Because that would exceed the legal maximum occupancy of this building."

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Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her backyard? Neither did she.

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How do you kill Chuck Norris. Shoot him in the face

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How many pairs of jordans does your dad have? None, he lost both his legs in vietnam.

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Why did the black guy not tip his pizza driver? Because he didn't order pizza.

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How do you kill a black man wearing a bullet proof turbin? Shoot him anywere other then his turbin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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