What did the mentally retarded man say to the Waiter who brought him his soup? Thanks for bringing me my soup.

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i am writing this because i felt like it.

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What is your bill about? Clinton

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Rebecca Black walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender doesnt serve her because she is 12.

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Have you heartd about the blond that confused winow putty for KY jelly? Her windows fell out.

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What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

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why did the irishman, the englishman and the african man die? because i went on a violent killing spree, murdering everyone i saw

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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this joke is funny so dont read the rest even though there is no rest

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so a blind man walks into a bar, then a chair, then a table.

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What is long and black? The line at KFC

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What's worse than a cow on the ceiling? - two cows on the ceiling.

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A black guy and a mexican guy are falling from a building. Which one hits the ground first? Who cares

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Why did the black man begin to cry when his friend aimed a gun at a watermelon? Because if he were to shoot it would be a waste of perfectly good food.

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A man walks into a metal bar He had a swell time.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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DON'T READ THIS!!! you suck.

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What do you call a disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body? Cancer.

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a mulslim wlaks past a bomb shop on his way to join the international peace club

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How many easily offended people does it take to change a light bulb? Shut up, that's not funny!

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A man invented a time machine that didn't work. Because he wasn't a scientist, he was an ice cream man.

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died from chlamydia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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