What do tomatoes, apples, oranges, lemons, and peaches have in common? They are all fruits.

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I met a fat girl and fucked her on an elevator. . . It was wrong on so many levels.

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whats the difference between blue and green? there different colours.

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robin, get in the car.

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Amanda.

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What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

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What did Hitler say to Mussolini? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Knock knock Who's there? Isabelle Isabelle who? Isabelle Williams Oh hi Isabelle come in

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Steve Jobs is alive In our Hearts <3

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because of excess velocity.

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What are the similarites between Autistic people and dead people? They are both very poor in social situations

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How do you make time fly? You can't, time is the duration of events and therefore cannot "fly".

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Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? This would be unlikely to happen, as it would cut the story short.

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what happened to the atheist when he died? he went to HELL

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Your mother is so old, she could easily be considered a senior citizen.

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Does that doctor take insurance? No, the receptionist takes the insurance, the doctor takes your blood... Well actually, the nurse does that.

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What is the deferince between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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whats yellow and cant swim? A bulldozer

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why did sally drown cause she was black

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What did one wardrobe say to another wardrobe? Clothes.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What's big, white, and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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