A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why is Brendan stupid. Because he's mentally retarded due to the fact he was dropped as a chil.d

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Roses are red violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in the zoo! But don't you worry I'll be there too! But not in the Ill be laughing at you

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How do you know your roommate is gay? His dick tastes like shit.

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My girlfriend dumped me because I'm patronizing. That means I treat people like they're stupid.

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What do you get when you mix a donkey with a bungee cord? My bouncy ass

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What is black and white and cant get through revolving doors? A zebra with a spear through its head.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Still a pilot.

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why was the little girl crying in her dads arms? Because he was strangling her

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A man walks into a bar He goes to drink away the fact that alcoholism is tearing his family apart and that he lost custody of his three-year-old son that same day

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why didnt the guy go to work one morning he died in a car accident

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life is like a box of chocolates, it sucks if you have diabetes

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How do you get pikachu onto a bus? You can't. Pikachu is a fictional creature and therefore does not exist.

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(sniff) (sniff) It smells like gross diarrhea in here... (sniff) (sniff) ... Yeah it does

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What do you call a man who beats his adopted, black children? A terrible person.

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How do you get rich? Cut chunks off a fat person with a cleaver and sell them to china.

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Your Momma is so fat when she pressed "up" on the elevator it went crashing down.

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My mom says to me are you gay and i say are you gay (What did i just do)

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Roses are red violets are green i can't rhyme bridge

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he's rich...

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A man goes in to a town on Friday, stays there for 3 days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible? He's lying,

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How do you get a girl with two jobs to drop on her knees? Through a penny on the knees

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Why did the burrito taste bad? It's a giraffe.

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You are like really sincere aren't you? I really appreciate that in a friend. Thank you for being who you are Nero.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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