What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

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A man is talking to his friend. The man suddenly picks up a banana. He says "hello anybody there?" The banana says "yes." After a while of conversing, the man suddenly puts the banana down in a sad type of way. The man then says to his friend "I'm sorry, but your sun has just died in horrible accident.

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How many pieces of toast can you eat in 1 year? well, it depends on how many pieces you eat in one day, does it count snacks, or full meals of just toast, can you eat even when your not hungary, if you throw up does it still count? If it is 1 piece a day, it would be 365.

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A man violently rapes a small child. Unfortunately the child has aids and gives them to the man.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Helen Keller went to town riding on a pony she stuck a feather in her hat and called it uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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How did the lawyer survive the airplane crash? He didn't.

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Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting anally raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

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Hey girl, are you from Jamaica? Cus ja makin me go temporarily insane.

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Person 1: Knock Knock Person 1: Who's there Person 1: me me you who you me you who me you no me (say super dooper quickly)

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Knock knock! Who's there? Girl Scouts selling cookies! I'm not legally allowed within 500 yards of you. Please get off my property.

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I AM SATAN, YOU SHALL LOVE ME BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE! YOU SHALL STONE THY INSOLENT CHILDREN! THY SHALL R*PE AND KILL IN MY NAME! YOU SHALL HANG MY SON ON THE CROSS WHICH I SACRIFICED BECAUSE HE IS IMMORTAL/BECAUSE I LOVE YOU? "Moral" "Man": Joke is on you, who do you think I am, God?

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What do you call a fat kid? I don't know...you tell me

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Two hippos are in a lake with water up to their eyes. One of them then says, "i keep thinking it's tueday"

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Why couldn't Jimmy breathe? He had a knife in his throat!

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What was little Timmy's final words? I just want to go home.

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guess what happened to ur mom? my mom is ded... oh...

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roses are red violets are blue if u wanna fight call 111 ( we r in new zealand)

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A horse walks into the bar. The bartender asks "why the long face" Turns out the horse's family died that evening.

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What do you get when you cross a parrot and a beach ball? A beach ball with a parrot design on it.

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What did the single woman get for Christmas? Raped.

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handlebars...except for the duck

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was struck by a car and killed instantly by the impact.

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What do you get when you cross a peanut and a snake? peanutsnake

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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