how do you wake up lady gaga? set her alarm for a reasonable hour

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My son lost his first tooth today...so proud. Took my punch like a champ

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How do you kill a blonde? Choke her.

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Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because that's where all of the other chickens are.

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Why don't women bother to have penises? Because they're lazy and they don't care.

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What do you call a man covered in bees? Nothing, you'll startle the bees!

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If Beauty Exits ... The Heck Are You?

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Knock Knock JUST OPEN THE FLIPPIN DOOR ALREADY! I DON"T NEED YOU TO KNOCK AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF EVERY TIME YOU COME TO MY HOUSE!!! Jeez...seriously

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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Why did the student go to university? To pursue a higher education.

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Kumquats Daffodils Alka-Seltzer Serendipity Dewey Decimal System Buccaneer Avuncular Pantaloons Weasels Alligator Chewbacca Sasquatch

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What do you call a black guy who walks into your house and takes your stuff. A repoman, pay your taxes next time

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Why did the car get sucked up by the tornado? Because it was in Pilger, Nebraska.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mike. Oh, come in.

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Yo momma is so stupid people make fun of her for her learning disability

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What did the mexican say when two houses fell on him? Nothing. He was dead.

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, Pansies are green, I think I'm colorblind

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side

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Why couldn't the man get a job at the daycare? Because he was a serial killer/rapist.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. The man apologizes, and the bra assures him not to worry. They both continue on their way. The man wonders what a bra is doing walking around unattached to a woman, especially this late at night.

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Why did the girl drop her vannlia ice cream? Vannlia Ice punched her for being cool as ice.

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Have you seen Ray Charles' house? No. Neither has he...

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Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops