A man walks into a bar and orders a sprite. Everyone in the bar looks and him funny and then laughs. He then tells them, "I would rather satisfy myself with a cool lemon-lime drink than put the poisonous toxins of alchohol into my blood stream."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the UPS man bring Sara? a box. whats inside it is only Sara's buisness

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: Why's everyone afraid of Friday the 13th? A: Justin Bieber's movie comes out.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I'm winning at Scrabble.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the difference between a hoover and a harley? one is a vacuum, and the other is a motorcycle.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the kid throw a clock out the window? The kid was probably having a temper tantrum and it was an expression of frustration.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Steven Hawkins die? he got a virus

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did the astronaut say to the rocket scientist? hi

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I honestly have no idea what is upsetting you, why would I lie about my name? Please don't leave, you do remember me don't you? Can I call you over?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are Red You're Black and Blue My fists seemed to have taken A liking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +4

roses are red violets are blue i'll be back in an hour or two

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than a baby in a dumpster? A baby in two dumpsters

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Feeling alone fast after opening your mouth? Feel that people ignore your conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say AHAH!... And Uhuh, and I PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND! Now YOU CAN BE APPRECIATED INSTANTLY BY A BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE SAYING!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your mama's p*ssy is so stank, she should probably consult her physician as she may have an easily treatable infection.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you not want to call a african american that begins with an N and ends with an R? A Neighbor!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A chicken walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding chickens cant talk and animal control was called

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a Black Priest? His title would probably be Reverend, and then his last name after it.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your wife died during the delivery.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the elephant cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

roses are red violets are blue i just made you remember two girls one cup

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the difference between a phone and a mexican? You can't dial a mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops