Steven Hawking walks into a bar

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Sally." "Go away, Sally. I told you I am not interested." Kevin slammed the door on his colleague, as Sally proceeded to find somebody else and move on with her life. Kevin later in life became a drug addict, and got thrown in jail. Sally got married and had four kids, and while she feels bad for Kevin, she is happy with her life.

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What do you call said black man flying an airplane? A pilot.

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What's been hit millions of times? A woman married to an abusive husband.

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Ted: Joe, do you think I'm dumb? Joe: No, I think you're Ted.

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Why didn't the blonde finish her book? She died.

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Ask me if I'm a horse. Are you a horse? No.

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A kid walked into a bar and ordered a drink and then was arrested for drinking under the age of 18

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Doctor, my husband tells me he doesn't like my figure .... That's irrelevant now, you've contracted a rare blood disease and will be dead within a month.

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What did little jonny do when he broke his leg? He proceeded to brake into tears due to the excruciating pain caused by his unfortunate injury.

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Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

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Leave. Now.

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What is big, hard, and bushy? My Penis. I lied about it being bushy.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock. I said who's there? Knock Knock. WHO THE FUCK'S THERE, GODDAMNIT? Knock Knock. PLEASE STOP IT STOP IT OH GOD STOP IT Knock Knock SWEET DEAR JESUS GOD CHRIST STOPSTOPOHGODSTOPITNOW Knock Knock. FORGODSSAKECOMEIN. Hello, Mark. Oh, hi, Steven.

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A dog walk into a bar, and the bartender asks, "What"ll it be?" The dog then breaks into tears as he realizes the bartender is his father's gay husband.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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A cowboy rides out to the middle of nowhere and then shoots his horse. He then makes his way back into town and meets a man in the saloon. The man says, "On second thought, I'd like to buy that horse."

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if ruddell was gay what would he be? a gay prick

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Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

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What do you call a black man and an Asian at a school? Two hard-working, dedicated teachers.

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Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interrupting doct- You have cancer.

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What do you call a kite that doesn't fly. A broken kite.

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Why am I righting in english? Because this is an english site.

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ask me if im a door yes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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