a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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Q: How do you confuse more than 80% of the population? A: Mushrooms.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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Why was Newton surprised when the apple fell on his head? Because he was sitting under a pear tree.

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What do you call a magic MAAAAAAAAAAAN? A magic man

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Why did the man paint his dog blue? He has some strange mental condition and is incapable of controlling his own actions.

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A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

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What did the dyslexic say to the nun? When I write, I typically misplace letters in words.

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A: why did the kid run out of lead B: because his dad broke into his house raped his wife and stoll everything he owned

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I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

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why did the mexican cross the road? to get to the lawn mowing shop becuase his wife has breast cancer, and he cant pay the bills sitting on his butt and getting a check from the government every month

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You have now entered Automatic Breathing Mode

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Q: Why did Little Suzie fall off of the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Little Suzie!

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A man goes to the hospital he says to the doctor while poking his leg it hurts here. Then he pokes his arm and here. Then his head and here. "Yes" the doctor says you've broken your finger.

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What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

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Roses are red violets are blue, he is for me and not for you, he's too ugly you can have him

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Whats the difference between a quarter and a penny? 24 cents.

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Roses are red, violets are red, Tulips are red, bushes are red.... WTF MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE.

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Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Time for you to get a watch

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A kid has no friends.

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Why did the girl have twins she was raped

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What does Santa Claus keep in his gardening shed? Nothing. Santa Claus isn't real.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like you Get in the van

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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