Why did the woman leave the kitchen. Its was her funeral

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Two men walk into a bar. The third seeing the protruding bar goes home to find his entire family dead from anthrax.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How many finger does a normal person have? 8...and 2 thumbs!!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the toilet say when I pooped in it Nothing I just crapped in it

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A group of 8 paintbal professionals land on an island to battle another paintball team. The team is then faced by a challeng of the other team ambushing them. Everyone is okay and not touched. A case breaks the window of the bus they hide in. They open the case and find a bullet proof vest. A man placed the vest on himself. They made it one by one out of the bus and to the otherside of the field the man with the vest was shot and started going... eghegeheghdjrhherbehgh and they pulled out a real gun bulet. They were now under attack by an enemy with real amunation. Then next man to run across the fied was killed. Tehy ran fr their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you say to a black guy who is holding a gun to your head? Nothing. He is holding a gun to your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I want a lot of likes...do it you wont. i know you wont.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Three guys at the beach decided to bet on who could swim the farthest. The first guy, could not swim so he lost. The second guy got a cramp right away. The third one swam far away into the distance, and was not seen or heard on for days... Three weeks later his corpse was found floating by the shore. The other two died out of guilt.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why is the horny toad named that way? Because its a misnomer of the horned lizard.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what is brown and wet? Muddy water

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's worse than Gordon Brown's face? George Bush.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why can't Stephen Hawking run a marathon? Because it takes years of hard training to accomplish such a remarkable feat.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Q. How many puns does it take to make a cup of tea? A. None. A pun is a grammatical construct and as such is incapable of combining the ingredients necessary to generate a hot drink which has been popular for hundreds of years.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Going out for a quiet one, having a drink or two, and returning home.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I have a joke that involves a duck. Can you guess what it is? If not, then.......uh...........sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How many fingers do most people have? 10

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

the little boy got in a ice cream truck he cant sit down anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -30

REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REDD REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED REED................................that is all LOL

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the cannibal order at McDonalds? Big Mac, extra pickle, hold the mayo.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

homosexual rights to marriage

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops