What did Raymond say when josh ate him? Nothing because Raymond was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your mumma is so fat she was mistaken for an opera singer in a quite awkward confrontation. she was embarrassed and walked out crying

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you make time fly? You throw a clock out a window.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your dick is short, If we compare it to mine. That was it, Thank you for your time.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Whatever his parents named him

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You know what's funny? You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I've got a dig bick

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you make a mess? Microwave a baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

ProX hacker JazZ Has aids hahahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than dropping your apple? The Japanese earthquake!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I dyslexic man walks into a bra. This incident had no relation whatsoever to his condition. The bra was just in an unusual and inconvenient location, and he wasn't paying much attention to where he was going.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man walks into a bar. A few hours later he walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Because they weren't invented when he was alive.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Today, my friend threw a lemon at me very hard and hit me in the testicles. FML

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you get a black man down from a tree? If the man cannot climb down himself, perhaps call the fire department.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why'd The Little Kid Drop His Ice Cream Cone? Because He Witnessed His Mom get Raped in front of his house by the man driving the ice cream truck and the realized that he was licking frozen semen......

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why didn't the little boy have a good time at his birthday party? Because his friends lit him on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Ily bae

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Yo' momma's so black, I hope she didn't experience any racism growing up in school.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is yellow and Bear Grills has drunk on National Television. ...Lemonade.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops