A man walks in to a bar, so he got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man #1:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: I don't know Man #1: Because he died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Because he died? Man #1: Yep. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Really? Come on, I've already answered your stupid question. Man #1: JUST ANSWER! Man #2: Fine, because he died. Man #1: No, peer pressure. Duh. Man #2 promplty punches Man #1 in the face and continues about his buisness.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

After six days in prison, and the eight hours in court straight they finally randomly decided that I "acted in self defense" which I did, so I demanded recompensation for they locking me up and wasting my time... ...And hell if I did not get 12.000USD for it, not before they called me disrespectful and immoral, before I shut them the fuck up... ...""Earning" your respect wont pay my bills, while I am apparently the only one with balls here, what else can you say when you everybody else shuts the fuck up and sits down because the "alpha male" of your pack, yes you a grotesquely fat ass in a black dress and a gray womans wig smacks his little hammer on his desk... Judge my ass" Speaking of morals... "It is called sacrasm furfags" Nero: Did I mention that her boyfriend broke four fingers on his hand against my chest (supposedly it was a punch of some sort), then he countered my attack(?), as he skillfuly blocked both kicks with his face, as he fell down cried and pissed himself like the 52 year old "adult" he is? Then I broke both his knees with my heels and told him I would kill him too if he told the cops that I did so in self defense... In self defense of course... Drugs told my mother I was Satan, and that I would end up killing her the very day I was born... Little did I know back then, that whatever kind of angel dust she used then was right about me killing her... Now its her turn to climb up from the hell she sent me trough, except that I locked the gate at the end. I miss my real arm though, which she chopped right off me when I was six and offered it to God as tribute, then proceeded to beat the shit out of me with it it... That kinda felt nice compared to waterboarding and all the other shit she did to me, as for my father... Tried to break my neck because I was at my room studying when he caught me scratching my prosphetic arm which was a sin apparently, yes reader I literally killed my father too and you dont hear me whining about it. Nero: I had a custom prosphetic arm made, it wont pick up or hold shit, you can in fact crush your own fathers skull with a fist literally made of steel, even if you still cant believe its not real butter. Solvemedia: Politically correct, thumbs the fucks ups for the irony... Or the steel which I used in pure fear as my neck snapped and my legs went numb... Just a literal pain in the neck for the rest of my life though, and a nice memory...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

When life throws you knives, you're probably dead

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: What did the man say when he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a 20 storie building? A: Ow!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Patient: "Doctor I think I might be a homosexual." Doctor: "How can you tell?" Patient: "RAAIIINNBOOOOWW!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

whant to hear my best inpression of a hijacking ok kjgnkdgsjikdfhjnknkdfngknhfkfbnkf

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A black man walks into a... nevermind, this joke is dumb.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

It's a penguin that breathes by its asshole. One day, he sits down, and he dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Knock, Knock Who's there? Anti-Joke Delivery Service. Oh, just leave it by the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Pee is yellow Shit is? brown My shit is yellow WTF

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? A life sentence in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red,violets are blue, dont read my words, says the ring of lords.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do a grape and an elephant have in common? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you kill a baby? You take a gun and shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

whats the differences between an atari and a xbox 360 i don't know i'm not a video game nerd

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the priest take a little boy into the back room? To talk about the boy's future.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She got kicked in the face by a mule.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

there was a blonde red head and black they were on misty mountain the black was the smartest so she jumped off and said bird flew like a bird the red jumped and said falcon and glided like a falcon then the blonde the dumb one tripped said oh crap turned into crap and wentt to the bottom and bursted

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There's 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and muscular guy. 7 days later, the fat guy receives an invitation to the zoo. It turns he got a new job and his friends was so proud.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the boy drinking toilet water? Because he was receiving a violent swirly. He then went home and killed himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Prince of bell air with Keanu Reeves: SMIIIIIIIIIIITH! DID YOU DESTROY MY COUCH? Neo: ... WELL DID YOU BOTHER CARLTON DOING HIS STUFF? Neo... Will you shut up then? ... Intro: This, is my story, read the text, thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew. The pizza doesn't scream in the fire

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops