Three guys at the beach decided to bet on who could swim the farthest. The first guy, could not swim so he lost. The second guy got a cramp right away. The third one swam far away into the distance, and was not seen or heard on for days... Three weeks later his corpse was found floating by the shore. The other two died out of guilt.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Friend: What do you call a farting dog? Me: A canine releasing built up pressure as a result of excess carbon-based gases produced by the synthesizing and decompositional digestive reactions in the stomach and intestines. Friend: ... Who is a nerd, pointless, has no social life, and cant take a joke? Me: No one. No one but you is that exceptionally lacking in character.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I went to the doctor and explained to him, "My penis fell off." The doctor gives me an odd look, and then chops his off to make me feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Your mom is so fat that I worry she may develop diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

thumb_up thumb_down -32

People say that shit don't stink But shit does stink It stinks like shit!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

PLEASE DONT READ THIS OR YOU'LL BE DIED IF YOU DONT THUMBS UP THIS LIKE POST THIS ON 20 MESSAGES OR YOU'RE BEST MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR LIFE WITHIN THE NEXT 7 DAYS

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A black duck walks into a bar. Duck: "I'll have a beer." Bartender: " How you paying for that?" Duck: "Put it on the tax payers."

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why do fat people make such good slaves? They're too fat and lazy to escape. Unfortunately, if you want your slave to be fat, you actually have to feed it properly.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why are apathy,ignorance, and resentment alike? I dont know and I don't care to know.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why don't you throw a rock at a Mexican on a bike? Because depending on the size of the rock, you could seriously injure him.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? Because the economy is shitty and none of the higher ups are willing to take a pay cut and they’re still paying themselves massive bonuses, the result of which are layoffs across all departments.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass

thumb_up thumb_down -34

My mom

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Bob: Whats the difference between a fish and a microwave? Steve: I don't know Bob: Daaaamn your dumb!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why did Alfa Kurtoo change his name? Just say Alfa Kurtoo fast!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5... that's $10.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

How do you call two black men on the moon? Astronauts.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why did i write this joke? Because i'm a try hard.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why does a squirel swim on his back? Because it was trying to keep his nuts clean

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Add William Wright On Facebook Answer- www.facebook.com/public/William-Wright

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops