- Anti Joke

why didn't the unicorn have a horn? It was a horse. Why didn't the horse have a horn? it was not a unicorn.

What did the peanut say to the jelly

What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

What did the little boy with no arms get for cristmas? A football.

Guess what sucks! A Vaccume. Guess what blows! A Sucky Vaccume.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

How do you wake up Lady GaGa? Poke her Face.

What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

What did Tyrone Jenkins say when Obama was elected? Nothing. He is not a real person, but merely a hypothetically existent man used only for the portrayal of a lacking punchline.

roses are red violets are too im bleeding

A very rich man had a son. He was very proud of his son. The son was smart and diligent and did well in school. On the son's 16th birthday, the father went to his son and said "son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your 16th birthday." The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 1,000 green golf balls. The father was taken aback. "But son, that's such a strange request! Might I remind you that I'm VERY rich, and I could buy you ANYTHING your heart desires?!" But the son was adamant, and his father, though confused, honored his son's request. Some years later the son graduated from college at the top of his class. His father, once again beaming with pride, came to his son. "Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your college graduation." The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 2,000 green golf balls. The father once again was confused, and a bit angry. "Son, that's a ridiculous request! I'm offering to buy you ANYTHING you want! I'm a very rich man, and almost NOTHING is beyond my requisition! So please, reconsider, and tell me what you REALLY want!" But the son was adamant, and his father, though bewildered and frustrated, honored his son's request. Years later, the son, following in his father's footsteps, was a very successful businessman. He'd married a beautiful wife and borne his father many wonderful grandchildren. One night as they ate dinner in an expensive restaurant, his father said to his son, "son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you in honor of your fantastic success and wonderful family." Once again without blinking his son asked for 3,000 green golf balls. Enraged, his father slammed his hands on the table and yelled, "WHY MUST YOU MOCK MY GENEROSITY SO?! FINE; YOU'LL HAVE YOUR STUPID GOLF BALLS, BUT YOU HAVE LOST YOURSELF A FATHER!" And so the trade was made; the son's strange request for the animosity of his once-doting father. Several years later, the father and the son not having spoken once since, the father got a call from a hospital informing him that his son had gotten into a terrible car accident and was dying. Forgetting all about his grudge against his son, the father flew down to his son's side in a flash. His son was conscious for the first time in days as his father arrived. "Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I'm so sorry for disowning you! I know I never should have! I'm so sorry for the years we've lost! But I must know, son, why did you want all those green golfballs; those wretched orbs that drove us apart?! Surely you had a grand design for them; you're the perfect son and I could not have asked for anything more in the world than you!" His son, on death's door, looked into his father's eyes and said weakly, "well, father, I-" And then he died.

Why does a man wake up every morning to do the same job over again? Because, wait... what the heck kind of a question is that?

i had sex i stuck my dick into your mouth

Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

Oh, hi Dave, come inside.

Why should we dislike all the jokes on the Newest Page? Well you should too. >.>

So, how 'bout that airline food?

What's worse than losing a contact Having a bloody stool

What did the cop say to the people watching the house fire? All right nothing to see here jokes over

Q:What did sandy say to spongebob A:Nothing they were both crushed by the water pressure of being at the bottom of the ocean ni,gger

why did the older man give candy to the little kids? he was in a parade

What did the blind kid say to his dad Nothing , his dads dead

Why does life hand you lemons? Because it sucks enough, so it wants you to have some.

How did the dinosaurs die???? How the Heck do I kno?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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