your momma so fat, that she secretly crys every night, because she is so self concious about her weight. and has to talk to a therapist because shes bolemic and has suicidal thoughts, because she cant stand the way she looks

thumb_up thumb_down -6

why did the chickan cross the road? who let the chickan out?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A local police officer pulls up to tell you something. Listen carefully: Three zebras have been spotted crossing the Mexican border. He goes into his truck, pulls out a can of marbles, peanut butter, seven velcro straps and a rhino horn covered in glitter. Your mission is simple: Kill the zebras using your equipment. You will be rewarded if you have enough peanut butter to make a sandwich after. Go now... Get it done.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Want to hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

thumb_up thumb_down -6

*insert joke here*

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red Violets are blue Your mom likes dick and so do you

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Have you ever ate a donut? Yes I have. In fact, the donut I ate recently was fairly delicious.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Have you ever seen what Stevie Wonder looks like without his sunglasses? Neither have I.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Hey, I just met you. Nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

There once was an old lady who lived in shoe. She had so many children, her uterus fell out.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Wh do you call a Zeebra without black and white stripes? A horse

thumb_up thumb_down -6

knock knock whose there banana banana who well, since a banana is a fruit and not human, it does not have parents and thus no last name was given to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why is the wimpy guy so strong and angry now? Because he took steroids.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q.When is a dog, not a dog? A. never

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why din't Santa come to Timmy's house? Timmy died 6 months ago. :(

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: Where's the cheese? Who ate the cheese? A: How do you know it's been eaten because it's gone? Are you making the assumption that food that has disappeared was eaten because that is usually how food disappears? I am filing a lawsuit against you for your malevolent foodism.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses only the finest ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Ask me If I am an orange? Are you and Orange? No

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Three Black men smash windows to enter a house. They're firemen and are rescuing a young child...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the dog lick the boy's leg? Cause when the boy blew up his leg landed in the doghouse

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops