What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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In soviet russia, roses are violet

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms and she was blind.

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Roses are red Violets are purple, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

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How many dead babies will fit in a bathtub? Seventeen

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What did the man say to the cat. ~It doesn't matter it impossible for 2 Species to Communicate between one another.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gays house! knock knock who's there? The chicken!

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You know what's stupid and gay? Idiots and homosexuals, respectively.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

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Where do cows go when they're bored? Wherever they're standing. Cows cannot use toilets, regardless of their mood.

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How much cocain did Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill 2 and a half men

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what do you tell a woman with one black eye? "sorry about that wild ball, you played a fantastic softball game otherwise"

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What do you do if your walking into a room full of Lions and Jaguars? You stop walking.

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How to make a plummer cry Kill his family

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what's the difference between you and a yack one is a spitting idiot and the other one is a camel

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What did the black man eat at a picnic? I don't know, I wasn't there.

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Your momma's so fat that when she looked in the mirror she broke down crying and threw up in the toilet because she is belemic.

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Q: What did one muffin say to the other muffin? A: "AAAA! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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A man walks in to a bar, Has a drink, and leaves.

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Why did the white bartender kick out a black man and his Mexican friend out of the bar? It was closing time

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A cat walks into a bar. What's the first thing it says? Absolutely nothing. It was knocked out.

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What do you call a mouse having sex? A spouse.

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What is a long boring story that no one will ever want to read? the life of Sarah Palin.

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Q. Whats worse than 9 babies in 1 suitcase? A. 1 baby in 9 suitcases.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops