I just found out i have cancer.

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How do you fix a chimpanzee? With a monkey wrench

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Whats green and has wheels? A green car.

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What is white and square? A ping pong block

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What's funnier than seeing a baby falling from the empire state building? Stopping his speed with a shovel

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Whats Big, black, and in your moms underwesar? A snake that escaped from a pet store which is causing a lot of commotion in the local community. Meanwhile your mom is getting drilled by a big psycho who escaped the mental institution. JMM

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

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Whats the worst thing about walking through a meadow of dead babies My boner

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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So I was banging this French chick the other day and I couldn't understand what she was saying Turns out I raped her.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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How many ants are in the kitchen? None. We killed them all.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was at a crosswalk and the walk light was on.

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What do Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen have in common? They are both celebrities.

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Why black people are so good at football? Because they have white feet.

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Q:What's red and hurts your teeth? A:A brick

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Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

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Knock Knock Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? To get to the other side!

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What do you call an office worker with no arms or legs? A paraplegic.

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Why did the kid need glasses? A monkey threw a fridge at him.

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yo mama's so fat, she wears a big belt

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Why did the frog die? He had AIDS

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what do black and white people have in common? when they dont wear sunscreen, they get sunburnt, except for black people.

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What did one cancer patient say to the other? Nothing, both of them were dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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