What did the psychopath say to the firefighter? Can you lend me a few bucks? My clothes are dirty and I need to go to the launromat.

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Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road? Because they are extinct and roads did not exist when they were alive.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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What's little and very sad? A 5-year old locked in a cage.

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okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

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why did the girl like dick? Because Dick was a nice boy.

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Why did Tiarnan not ride is bike to school today. Tiarnan's dead.

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A black guy and a white guy are in a car. What is going to happen? They will arrive at their destination.

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What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

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What is the saddest thing in a porno? He doesn't really love her.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

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Robin, get in the car!

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What did the black man say to the asian man? hello.

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FORTY SECONDS!!!!!!

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Sorry I am like so fucking wasted still, I keep giggling and laughing all of the time.

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What do you call a man with no home or family? Charles Manson…He currently resides in jail.

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You are pretty bad emulations, first of all you should all swear and cuss a lot, that way you never get green thumbs and you all get minimal attention (negative attention) from people whose messages do not concern. I mean come on, if you are all different, you gotta admit that you are all good at typing like the very same person, its just that, none of them are good at sounding as the guy they are trying to emulate.

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A fat cat sits on the ground staring up at a fence. The fence stares down at the cat and laughs.

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here's a chuck norris fact: Chuck Norris is 5'10 and lost to bruce lee!

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why was the fat man excercizing? because he was a fatass and no one liked him

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

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What happened to the baby bird? It fell out the nest

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I like my women like I like my coffee... 2 cream 1 sugar.

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why did the asian wearing a sombrero buy orange juice at 2am? because hes trying to stay sober and do away with alcohol for good because its ruining his family and he wants to be a good father and husband.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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