How do you get a pirate out of your seat? Politely ask him to move for you were there first.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had been used as an ingredient in kung pow chicken and was on it's way via delivery boy to the house that had ordered it for a lovely evening meal

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Last Christmas I gave you my pie but the very next day you put it in your tummay. Now your dead because I poisoned the pie.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Liar liar, your dead nans carcass is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whats worse being raped by jack the ripper or being fingered by captain hook

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the black man say about Linkin Park? That there's obviously a rapist in their midst and they should all be questioned.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the ant say when he walked in the club. . . Nothing he was immediately stepped on.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did people on a plane die? Because it crashed.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she is blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I`m not as random as you think i`m salad.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the homeless guy get for Christmas? Nothing, he's homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the nearest Applebee's.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why can't the T-rex clap? Because it's extinct

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: A boy went to 7-11 and bought Coke instead of 7up. Why? A: I don't know

thumb_up thumb_down +28

If a chicken and a half layed an egg and a half in a day and a half how many pancakes does it take to shingle a roof? -A banana has no bones

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Knock knock. Who’s there? Your son. Your son who? DAD WHY CAN’T YOU ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I AM GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How do you make a tissue dance? Blow a little boogie in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

(402)217-6102 that is Jesse

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did Sally fall off her bike? Because she had no legs. Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. What did Sally get for Christmas? Cancer. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call a hickey on your shoulder? Bad aim -Cooper Simpson

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how big the lightbulb is

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why couldn't the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, they already stole them all.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops