How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of.

Heheheheh, Good one, you made me laugh, you just made me realize that it was indeed I that said that to you once, and now you are telling me. I know now, I am happy, not because I seek happiness, but because thinking, finding solutions, guiding myself and others, is what makes me happy. I feel like an alien, because my ideals, my solutions hopes and dreams that grow out of a result of my constant thinking, will never be in this world. Yet I also feel human now, because it could have been, humanity could have succeeded...

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by a giant elephant.

how long does it take a meth-head to rob your flat? not long at all, and they'll take everything. they need to, it's an addiction

It's Christmas in Iraq. Merry Christmas

What did the German say to the Jew? Sorry.

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

Q: How do you scream at a purple? A: Black people

A blind woman was watching tv. think about it

Whats worse than dying? Nothing.....?

Romeny or Obama? Obamney

What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

Me:hey paul did you see that story on the news? Paul:ya i did thats really crazy!

what do you call a young man? a little boy

Who is gay and sits next to me in my architecture class? The same Griffin Kid.

What's worse than finding a worm in your Holocaust? Oh, wait, I said it wrong...

osama bin ladin is dead. let's get a beer.

A white man walks down an alley and sees two black men. They say hello and then are on their way.

Knock Knock. Who'se there? It's Dave. Dave who? Um, you invited me over here. Open the damn door.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I have no idea, and neither does the chicken, for chickens do not possess the ability to reason.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who's there? Alzheimers

Wanna here a good joke? Sure, but you spelled hear wrong.

what's the worst part of your kid dying the clean up

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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