- Anti Joke

your dad called night and told me your grandpa died.

what happens when you and a 6 foot black guy get stuck on an island? hang him by a tree and make shelter

I can't wait to eat this bagel! Yes you can. Yeah, I guess you're right.

When would you find a Mexican, Asian, Black and white guy hanging out? Never

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are simple-minded creatures and perhaps there was some source of food on the other side.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

A man walks into a bar and at the bar he sees this guy with a blue head. He asks the man with the blue head if he can buy him a drink. The man with the blue head says "sure... you want to know about the blue head don't you?" "Yes i do" "Okay it all starts with a genie, he gave me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have a beautiful wife and a house to put her in, the second wish was for a ton of money, and the third wish was for a blue head."

4/20 is a holiday just like Christmas.. I lied you just get baked

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs that fell off a boat fucked

A:Why did the chicken cross the road? B:To get The Daily.....Do you get it. A:No. B:Me neither..I get The Times.

A cat walks into a bar. What's the first thing it says? Absolutely nothing. It was knocked out.

Where do you live? In a house

"It's a blimp, it's a hot air balloon!" "No wait, it's your mom."

What's Green and invisible? This cabbage --------------------------->>>>>

Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

What did the doctor say to the minority, parapalegic after he barely escaped a fire alive? You just got burned!!

Why did Darren Wilson quick scope Michael Brown? Because he was being attacked, racism is wrong

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah

Girls get fucked Boys fuck Gays puke

Why did the boy fall off his bike? He was mauled by a bear!

The jets are a good team..

Whats wrong with that Nothing

A man decided to enter the local pun contest. He sent in ten puns. One of them was very witty and he won the contest and felt very good about himself.

How do black people get rich? They collect welfare checks.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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